How to Mother in the 21st Century
Mothering in today’s world is hard right? I have 2 daughters, one 25 and one 15 … so I’ve had the chance to compare just how different mothering is even in this small gap of ten years. Now we talk about anxiety, BPD, narcissism, body dysmorphia – many terms I hadn’t even heard of 10 years ago, let alone be discussing on a regular basis with my girl.
The current culture surrounding our girls and young women can be terrifying for a mother. Feeling like a David facing Goliath, we can be left feeling powerless, inept and like we’ve failed our daughters, many times in the same day.
Wanting to feel confident and assured, while sometimes drowning in self-doubt, you might find yourself constantly seeking new solutions, trying new things, researching the internet, buying the books … but still, returning again and again to those same feelings of powerlessness. Perhaps feeling further away from your daughter than ever.
I feel your pain. Speaking from the trenches, and from working with the emotional worlds of women for the past 15 years, I’ve discovered there’s an option not ‘delivered’ through our culture, that has the potential to change everything for the better. When I learn how to activate this state, I’m able to feel an expanding sense of inner knowing, confidence and strength … which is really what I need to support myself and my daughter through these unprecedented times.
What’s the catch I hear you thinking! Yes. There’s one. We’re required to ‘do’ life differently, turn it right side up (because it was wrong side up before, which is why many of us are left feeling so powerless). This can bring about some inner resistance and requires practice. Even though it’s our natural way, it’s not normal.
The option? To step out of the repetitive cycles and into the emerging process of life. When I see what’s happening as part of an emerging process (an opportunity to grow) I can let go of the outcome (sorry if I’ve made your heart start palpitating ). Rather than having to fix my daughter or make things right, I validate my own feelings of fear, insecurity, not good enough which creates a coherent state between us. This helps her to emotionally regulate and I feel empowered – we are naturally attuned, not fighting what is, which has us both feeling more deeply connected than ever. From that platform we progress – the outcomes are so much better because we are launching our actions from a centred state.
This ‘state’ of mothering, does many things quite magically. It
- Creates an atmosphere of emotional presence – so both you and your daughter feel deeply supported, heard and understood
- Provides your daughter with a SAFE haven – you don’t have to fight the unconscious culture we live in, you’re creating a compelling she can’t resist
- Grows you both into a more empowered version of yourselves while enhancing deep healthy connection (leaving a legacy for future generations and healing mother wounds)
- Develops effective communication, which activates the heart’s intelligence and vice versa!
- Leads you to the optimal solution for the problem that arose in the first place. Yes. The emerging process is an intelligence much greater than the one that resides in our little brains, so the results I experience are more long lasting and effective.
This is a choice we can make today. Any mother can learn the skills of emotional empowerment to feel more joyful and satisfied – no more searching for solutions, feeling anxious, inept, confused. And the best part is, you get to role model this to your daughter, so she learns something YOU should have been taught at school.
Lisa Jayne is an educator, author and speaker helping to activate the core of the feminine force within mothers so they can deeply connect to their 8-16 year old daughters, while creating a new culture that fosters mutual emotional empowerment.
Meet Lisa Jayne at Sydney MBS 2022, where she will be launching both her latest book “The Emotionally Powerful Mother” and her everyday app “Mother” designed to unleash the potential of the feminine force within the mother-daughter relationship and activate a shift in culture around our girls. Find out more at www.iamlisajayne.com and follow her on socials @iamlisajayne